Monday, February 6, 2012

DJS Presents The Unfilmed Kolchak: The Get of Belial


Kolchak: The Night Stalker

“The Get of Belial”


We here at KTNS, otherwise known as ICHH (icch!) are well aware that Moonstone Comics rendered adaptations of the two most “famous” unfilmed KTNS teleplays, “Eve of Terror” and “The Get of Belial.”  But our aim is to present a more unvarnished look at the script pages that do exist, with particular bias toward Kolchak’s encounters with his stringers or his INS cohorts — two of the most recurrently popular and enduring aspects of the series.

Unlike a standard KTNS episode, Kolchak’s voice-over doesn’t intrude until page five (page three of actual scenario).  The January 3rd, 1975 revised draft was written by Don Mullally, one of the six writers who cobbled up “The Devil’s Platform,” and “Belial” brings Kolchak face-to-face once again with a hellish, or Hellish, antagonist.  As we FADE IN to an unnamed town in “West Virginia Mountain Country” …

ACT ONE


EXT. ASSOCIATED ANTHRACITE BLDG. – DAY


Observed by a laconic patrol car, a tatty group of miners is conducting a STRIKE, picketing the main office.  KOLCHAK is seen keeping pace with one of the pickets, taping away.

KOLCHAK
You look for the strike to go on much longer?

PICKET
No way.  Mine owners are caving in all over the state – except for this mother.  With the pressure he’s gotta be getting from the other owners, how long can he hold out?

KOLCHAK
You’re talking about Glenn Maynard, president of Associated?

PICKET
Yeah, that s.o.b. …

As they speak, MAYNARD pulls up in a station wagon, warning the pickets he’ll plow right through them if they don’t move.  The pickets begin to rock the car and pound it with their signs.  Police chief ROD PEOPLES debarks and saunters over.  He’s young, soft-spoken but authoritative, and he effortlessly pushes several of the pickets away from the car.

PEOPLES
You don’t want your union to have to buy a new paint job for Mr. Maynard … right?  Just cool it now, hear?

KOLCHAK (VO)
That was the scene in Winship County, West Virginia.  Labor trouble in the mines wasn’t breeding nobility on either side.  Tempers were worn to the breaking point.  It was ugly.  But what was moving into Winship County would make the strike seem like a wedding party.

BEHIND Kolchak, an ancient pickup truck groans into view, towing a dilapidated box trailer.  The bed is loaded with belongings and furniture, covered by a tarp.  On top of this tottering heap sits TOM BLACKSHEAR, a bearded young giant in solid denim.  Shoulder-to-shoulder inside the cab sit RICHARD BLACKSHEAR, his mother SARAH, and her husband HENRY, who drives, working a cheekfull of snuff.  Richard gives directions to the outskirts of town, where an abandoned coal company hamlet sits, dead and boarded up.  The Blackshear truck parks behind a rural, one-room schoolhouse — the largest, best-preserved building in the shanty town.

SARAH
Looks nice, Richard.

TOM
We oughta be okay here ‘til they come with the bulldozers.

HENRY
Won’t be doin’ that while the strike’s on.  Be okay for your boy.

SARAH
Our boy, Henry …

They have come to the barren basement of the schoolhouse and peer down into darkness.

HENRY
(to Richard and Tom)
Give me a hand with it.

The men unhitch the box trailer and back it up to the cellar door.  They TILT it downward, then STRAIN against a large, bulky, burlap-covered object.  UNGODLY CRIES AND MOANS issue from beneath the tarp, which falls askew long enough to reveal a thickly-barred CAGE.  The men hoist the cage into the cellar and begin “walking” it toward the far wall.  Sarah is almost beside herself with anxiety.

HENRY
Watch it now … watch your hands, Richard!

A HAIRY CLAW with taloned nails pierces the burlap and fastens onto Richard’s arm.  As he screams in pain, Henry smacks the claw with a broken chunk of timber as Sarah rushes in.  She reprimands Tom and moves to the cage, making a peculiar, cooing, maternal sound.  The claw relaxes and Richard recoils, clutching his bleeding arm.

ACT TWO


KOLCHAK (VO)
October 2nd, 1:30 A.M.  Glenn Maynard, mine executive, was on his way home after a long day at the bargaining table.  He was about to lose the most important negotiation of his life … get a package deal, with death as the bottom line.

Maynard avoids the pickets as he drives home but “something” is watching him as he moves toward his porch.  In one giant, ungainly bound, Maynard is attacked.  To the sounds of “tearing, rending death” we see his chewed cigar stub roll across his driveway.

INT. SCHOOLHOUSE – DAY


Tom Blackshear discovers the EMPTY cage in the basement, the hasp on its heavy-duty padlock twisted out of shape.

HENRY
Woulda swore no livin’ thing could bust that lock.

SARAH
Must’ve gotten out last night.  I had a dream … I was praying … and the Lord came to me …

Sarah is interrupted by a LOW, VICIOUS GROWL.  The family turns to see the “Creature” framed in the doorway – matted hair, deep-set glowing eyes, fanged and lumbering.  The male Blackshears are clearly repulsed, but Sarah goes to the Creature, touching its shoulder and leading it back to the cage.

SARAH
You’ve come home … you’ll be all right now …

HENRY
Get him settled.  Me and you’s going into town.  See if we can find out what he did this time.

EXT. MAYNARD HOUSE – DAY


Kolchak snaps photos of DEAD MAYNARD.  Peoples is present, as is newly-widowed CLAUDIA MAYNARD, in near hysteria.  She interferes with the morgue men, clearly distraught, and her friends are unable to restrain her.  From the Blackshear truck, Sarah comes to intervene.

HENRY
Sarah … now you stay out of this, you hear?

SARAH
I can’t.  That lady needs me.

Claudia pitches a fit, trembling and rigid on the ground.  Unhelping spectators gather ‘round but it is Sarah who kneels at Claudia’s side and touches her forehead.

SARAH
Lord, heal this woman, thy child who is heavily burdened.  Free her of her torment.

Claudia slowly relaxes.  The watcher’s are amazed by Sarah’s apparent healing power.  Claudia smiles up at Sarah.

But back at the schoolhouse, the Creature goes into a FRENZY in its cage.

TOM
Oh, hell – listen to him!

RICHARD
Yeah, Ma’s done the Lord’s work again and he’s all wired in.  Maybe we can stop him this time.

They enter the basement, Richard leading with a cattle prod.  The cage rocks back and forth and suddenly EXPLODES open, the door driving both men back, the Creature LEAPING over them to freedom.

EXT. TREE-LINED LANE – DAY


KOLCHAK (VO)
Al and Gracie were ideally married … to a couple of other people.  They simply lived for these little mid-day trysts, those long walks in the piney woods, hand-in-hand, to their secret place …

AL and GRACIE have wandered down to a grassy knoll by a meandering stream.  They are about to hit the dirt when Al spies a pair of eyes watching them from the shrubs, red-rimmed and menacing.  A POUNCE, and Al is smashed down as Gracie FLEES.  In two bounds the Creature catches her, dragging her down as she SCREAMS.

KOLCHAK (VO)
Today, those stolen moments that they lived for were to be the death of them.

ACT THREE


INT. VINCENZO’S OFFICE AT INS - DAY


Outside the El rushes by, shaking the entire building.

VINCENZO
(yelling)
Kolchak – I can’t hear you!  Sounded like you said you wanted … combat pay?

KOLCHAK
(inside a phone booth)
You heard me, Tony – this town is a powder keg and some nut is playing with matches!  Three people killed, and I’ve got a feeling that’s just for openers.  You getting all this, Uptight?

Across the office on an extension, RON UPDYKE is making notes with his usual expression of annoyance.

UPDYKE
(to phone)
I have the names, ages, and occupations of the three victims.  Your description of the bodies, which, parenthetically, our papers will not print … and I have yet to hear anything about the progress, or lack of it, in the strike negotiations.

VINCENZO
Yeah, Kolchak – people up here want to know what a ton of coal is going to cost this winter.

KOLCHAK
If this war breaks open down here, they can start praying for a mild winter!

UPDYKE
Well, we certainly can’t expect our papers to print that, either!

KOLCHAK
Write anything you want, Uptight, just don’t make it sound like it belongs on the financial page!

UPDYKE
I will remind you that coal is very big in our economy!

KOLCHAK
And I will remind you that Vincenzo is paying for this long-distance phone call.  Besides, I’ve gotta to go a wake …
(he hangs up)

Ron picks up his pad and makes a huffy exit.  Tony throws a Chicago phone book at the wall.

INT. BRANNIGAN HOUSE – DAY


KOLCHAK (VO)
Al’s widow, Joni Brannigan, was taking it.  She was a miner’s wife; her father was a miner.  Death wasn’t that much of a stranger in her life.

Al’s COFFIN takes up most of the living room.  Kolchak moves around a huge buffet setup, systematically helping himself.  Chief Peoples suggests to Joni his theory that the killer hid in the back of Al’s car as he picked up Gracie for a “ride home.”  That the killer “forced” Al to drive to the lonely spot.  That Gracie’s husband was himself another “victim” of the mine – wheechair-bound, “dead from the waist down.”  Kolchak approves of Peoples’ effort to cover for a potentially nasty situation, actually complimenting the cop:

KOLCHAK
Chief, that was a very kind thing you did in there.  Mrs. Brannigan had to wonder what Al was doing out there in the piney wood with another woman.

PEOPLES
(shrugs)
Could’ve happened just like I said.

Sarah Blackshear enters the wake long enough to leave a covered pot, which Kolchak sniffs.  When he tails her outside, he gets a good look at Richard Blackshear, driving the pickup truck.

EXT. POLICE STATION – DAY


Peoples conducts a press conference.

PEOPLES
I want you to know that I’ve talked to both sides, union and management.  Told them to cool it or I’ll be on the horn to the Governor – bring troops in here.

KOLCHAK
Chief, maybe you’re talking to the wrong people.  These killings could have nothing to do with the strike.

PEOPLES
I say they do.

KOLCHAK
How do you explain the fact that all the victims died the same way – killed by a hand pick, according to you.

PEOPLES
Ever hear of “an eye for an eye?”  Maynard’s killer set the pattern.

KOLCHAK
I’ve heard of it, but how come the score is four eyes to two?

PEOPLES
(shrugs)
The girl was a witness – they had to kill her too.

Peoples discourages Kolchak’s attempts at further poking.  Outside, Kolchak notices the Blackshear truck and copies its Pennsylvania license number before he encounters both Richard and Tom Blackshear in the Associated Anthracite picket line.  They are sullen and unhelpful, but Kolchak notices Richard’s injured arm, remembering the slashes seen on all the victims.

KOLCHAK (VO)
Pennsylvania DMV gave me a make on the pickup.  Registered owner, Henry Blackshear, Hamilton, Pennsylvania.  Hamilton was another mining town.  Something in my gut told me that wasn’t all it had in common with this part of West Virginia.

INT. HAMILTON POLICE STATION – DAY


Kolchak quizzes local police chief WOODRUFF.

KOLCHAK
You said there were some similar killings – how many?

WOODRUFF
Five.

KOLCHAK
No arrests?

The case is still active.  Kolchak sees photos from the case file.  The string of deaths ended on August 22nd.

KOLCHAK (VO)
I wanted a reading on the Blackshear’s old neighbors – what kind of people were they?  The neighbors gave them good marks.  Sarah – Mrs. Blackshear – was a living saint.  She could heal people even after regular doctors gave up.  All she had to do was pray and touch them!  All the neighbors remembered the murders.  None of them seemed to pick up on the fact that they started shortly after the Blackshears moved to Hamilton … and stopped just before they moved on.

Kolchak sneaks a phone call to MISS EMILY in the INS office, asking her to investigate mutilation murders in Appalachia during certain dates.  But Vincenzo approaches her desk in time to hear:

EMILY
Yes, Carl … yes, Carl …

VINCENZO
That Kolchak?!
(he grabs the phone from Emily)

KOLCHAK
Whatever you do, sweetheart, don’t say anything about this to Tony.

VINCENZO
(livid)
Anything about what, Kolchak?

KOLCHAK
(solemn)
We wanted to surprise you.  Miss Emily’s meeting me in Miami.  We’re getting married!

Kolchak quickly hangs up to a strangling sound at the other end.

KOLCHAK (VO)
Dear old Miss Emily came through for me, but not in Miami.  Her telegram was waiting for me at the hotel.  Quote: “Following communities report similar incidents, et cetera, “ unquote.  One more piece filled out the puzzle, then it was Chief Peoples’ baby.

At the local union office, Kolchak inquires about the Blackshear boys’ recent transfer.  But ROY KETTLE is not about to give a reporter confidential information.  When he lunchbreaks at a pool hall where the Blackshear boys are watching the action, he mentions Kolchak to Tom and Richard.  As Kolchak storms out of the union office, the Blackshear pickup buckets past and Kolchak tails it.  Tom notices the rental car dogging them.

TOM
What d’we do about that?

RICHARD
See what happens when I make out turn.  Lots of places we can wait for him, if he’s tailing us.

Kolchak sees them, too, and drives past, continuing for about a quarter-mile or so before wheeling around.

KOLCHAK (VO)
It looked like a trap.  If I ran into that rathole after them … goodbye.  I gave them fifteen minutes to decide they weren’t being followed  … come out.  They didn’t.  So along came Kolchak.

Wary, Kolchak drives up to the shanty town.  Smoke wisps from the schoolhouse chimney.  He sees signs of habitation but no one seems to be around.  Mattresses, tables, chairs.  A fueled Coleman lantern.  A warm pot of stew on the stove, which Kolchak samples – not bad!  In the basement, Kolchak finds the broken cage.  The basement doors SLAMS.  In the sudden darkness, Kolchak is SKULLED by a blunt instrument and BLACKS OUT.

RICHARD
Hey, Pa!  Open up!

Richard thumps the door with said “blunt instrument” and Henry OPENS the door from without, revealing Kolchak unconscious on the floor.

ACT FOUR


Kolchak regains consciousness inside the now-ABANDONED schoolhouse.  He goes directly to Peoples, but Peoples shoots him down:  The Blackshears have moved on, yet there has been another attack.

On the road, at night, Sarah and Henry Blackshear argue in the cab of the truck:

HENRY
I’ve had it, Sarah!  We’re through running, hiding.  If he comes back, or if we find him, we’re going to the police.  Take the consequences.

SARAH
Henry, he’s our flesh.  He might change back the way he was.  It’s our cross …

HENRY
It hasn’t happened.  It’s not going to happen.  Even you have to know that, now.

Peoples and Kolchak, speeding one after the other to the scene of the latest killing, roar right past the Blackshear pickup, stopped on the shoulder.  Kolchak is torn between the two but decides to stick with Peoples.

They boy of a young mining couple has been attacked.  Not dead, but in terminal shock, with wounds identical to those of the murder victims.

Without so much as a by-your-leave, Sarah Blackshear waltzes in and performs another of her “miracles” on the injured boy.

But a few blocks away, a crippled young woman watching television is confronted by the Blackshear Creature when it smashes through a side window of her home.  It yanks her from her chair as she screams for her husband, HARRY.  Harry comes piling into the room toting a Winchester.  He shoots the Creature at least three times and it retreats, howling, into the darkness.

Kolchak HEARS the shots and sprints toward their source.  He is bowled over by none other than the fleeing Creature, which batters him aside as Harry’s slugs pepper the air over their heads.

ACT FIVE


Peoples is intent on organizing a posse to track down the wounded Creature, and ignores Kolchak’s plea to confront the Blackshears, who are getting back in their truck to drive away from the scene.  As the truck moves away, Kolchak runs after it – finally leaping lightly into the rear bed.

(Now there’s a miracle – unless all four “normal,” still-living Blackshears are all piled into the cab – DJS.)

Hounds baying in the distance, the Blackshear Creature (unencumbered by its bullet wounds) lumbers back to its latest hiding place seconds after the Blackshear truck precedes it.  It is an abandoned mine.  Weathered signs read MINE CLOSED.  NO TRESPASSING.  VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED.  ASSOCIATED ANTHRACITE, INC.

As Henry helps his wife down from the cab, his hand comes away bloodied.  Sarah bleeds from places identical to where the Creature was wounded.

SARAH
(matter-of-factly)
It’s the blood of our son.  He’s been shot, Henry.

Kolchak tails them through a mine shack and into a primary shaft.  The boards that once secured it now hang askew.  Then Kolchak feels a rifle prodding his back.

TOM
(using flashlight)
Hey … you’re the cat who was asking all the questions.

KOLCHAK
You got me.

They approach a vertical shaft – a big hole in the floor of the tunnel.  Tom shouts down:

TOM
Pa!  Hey, Pa!  Caught a guy foolin’ around up here!  Sendin’ him down!

KOLCHAK
How?

TOM
There’s an iron ladder.  Move!  And don’t try anything funny!

KOLCHAK
You mean we couldn’t use a good laugh?

Several levels DOWN, the Blackshears have set up housekeeping once again.  Other tunnels fan out from the black wall of the chamber into which Tom ushers Kolchak.

HENRY
(cold-eyed)
What’re you doin’ here?

KOLCHAK
I was looking for the Blackshear family.

RICHARD
You found us.

KOLCHAK
But you’re not all present.  Where’s the one you usually keep in a cage?

SARAH
(sighs)
Sonny.  Our youngest boy.

HENRY
Shut up, Sarah!

SARAH
No.  You said we hid him long enough.

KOLCHAK
You did say you kept your son in that cage?

HENRY
I don’t care what anybody thinks.  We done the best we could.

KOLCHAK
But the cage couldn’t hold him … nothing could.  And he killed people when he got away.

SARAH
(nods)
Because of me.  My call to do the Lord’s work.  It was Belial’s way of tempting me.

KOLCHAK
Belial?  The Devil?

SARAH
Yes.  Sonny was a beautiful child.  Then the changes began.  I was healing the sick, as my God commanded.

KOLCHAK
Those changes – how did you know it was the Devil?

RICHARD
Old Belial offered Ma a deal.  We all heard it.  The voice out of nowhere.  Scared the hell out of us!  We could have Sonny back just the way he used to be … if Ma’d just get off the salvation kick.

KOLCHAK
And you couldn’t buy it?

SARAH
Man’s extremity is God’s opportunity.  I had to believe that God was stronger than the Devil.

TOM
(rushing in)
Pa!  Cops up there!  All over!  And dogs, coming this way!

HENRY
He’s led ‘em to us … we’re getting out of here.

KOLCHAK
How?

HENRY
(indicating)
Air shaft.  About a quarter mile down that tunnel.  Me ‘n Richard checked it out; open all the way to the surface.

Henry decides to keep Kolchak with them, but when a shower of rocks and debris rains down, Kolchak escapes back the way they came.  Richard starts to chase after him.

HENRY
No!  We’re getting out of here while we can.  No way he’s going to find his way back without a light.

As Kolchak gropes his way back to the chamber, the Creature leaps down from the ladder.  Peoples and his posse are firing shots down, from above.  Kolchak circles the room like a prizefighter playing the ropes, but the Blackshear’s youngest get is upon him.  Kolchak pulls a ratty mattress over himself for protection and suddenly realizes he is not longer being attacked.  The Blackshear Creature has gathered Sarah’s blanket to its face, and is momentarily acquiesced.  Kolchak slowly makes for the ladder … climbing gently up …but the dog-barks coming from above snap the Creature back to reality.  It LUNGES.  But Kolchak pulls up his legs at the last second and the Creature grabs empty space, FALLING into the deep shaft below.  It HOWLS all the way down.

Peoples descends the ladder.

PEOPLES
Kolchak, what are you doing down here?  You gotta have an answer, and it better be a zinger.

KOLCHAK
Chief, you told me to get away from you – far away.  I tried.

PEOPLES
Where’s whatever it is I been chasing all night?  Dogs tracked it here.  Did you see anything?

KOLCHAK
Yeah.  More than I wanted.  That scream you heard – it tripped.

PEOPLES
I want a gurney down here.  All the rope we can get.  We’ll lower it a level at a time.

KOLCHAK
All right if I go with you?

PEOPLES
How long’s it been since you climbed a mile?

They DESCEND.  When they finally reach bottom, Kolchak’s hands are blistered, frozen in a grasping attitude.  In the beam of Peoples’ flashlight we see a HANDSOME YOUNG MAN – crushed, wearing the rags of the Blackshear Creature.

PEOPLES
You call that a monster?  I’d like to know what in hell is going on!

KOLCHAK
I’ve got to hand it to you, Chief, you’re in the territory.  Hell is where it’s at.

INT. VINCENZO’S OFFICE – DAY


As Tony pounds his fist on the desk in his usual high dudgeon.

VINCENZO
I sent you to cover a strike in the mines.  And where were you when the strike was settled?

KOLCHAK
About a mile underground.  But it was a coal mine, Tony.

VINCENZO
Big deal!  Every wire service in the country scooped us!

KOLCHAK
Sorry.  But the strike settlement wasn’t the big story.

VINCENZO
(acidly)
Tell me.

KOLCHAK
(wearily, shaking his head)
Are you ready to accept a living Devil … Satan … the Prince of Darkness?

VINCENZO
I have to, Kolchak.  I hired you, didn’t I?
(then, bellowing)
Out!  Get out of here!

As Kolchak recoils, we FADE OUT/END.

#

            David Chase recalled “The Get of Belial” for Mark Dawidziak’s Companion as requiring “expensive location shooting,” but that’s not really germane.  The rural setting and mining towns were pre-thought to make use of Universal’s standing Western backlot sets, and it sure would have been nice to see some of the scenes shot using the legendary Bronson Cave location in nearby Griffith Park.
            A stronger speculation is that the religious content was a turn-off.  God – in God’s typical looky-loo role – doesn’t do much to ease the Blackshear’s pain, even while Sarah Blackshear is easing the pain of everyone around her.
            Sonny Blackshear’s fate was also identical to the fate of Myra Deckbar in “Eve of Terror.”  Splat — now they look normal — end of story.
            Sonny probably would have been depicted as another of KTNS’ “monster hairbags,” which again raises the puzzle of who actually did the makeups and monster suits that were seen during the series run.  I can find no such credit anywhere, nor has anybody stepped forward to claim it.
            Discuss.

# # # # # # # #

Saturday, February 4, 2012

DJS Presents: “THE SPANISH MOSS MURDERS” — DELETED SCENES!


(from the official Darren McGavin website)

Excerpts from "The Spanish Moss Murders," written by Al Friedman & David Chase, Production # 41806, from Final Revised draft dated October 21, 1974 — a sampling of scenes that never made it into the finished episode, basically a subplot about an efficiency expert named Sunderland, come to drop the hammer on INS.

Pages 2-5

INT. INS OFFICE - DAY


As Vincenzo exits his office, carrying a huge bag of garbage and junk. Catches sight of Ron, who’s doing nothing, stares angrily.

VINCENZO
Why don’t you get off your Ivy League buckle and help some of the others?

UPDYKE
I volunteered but they say I just get in the way. They won’t take any of my suggestions.

Vincenzo irritably looks around for something Updyke can do. Finally, he just sets the garbage bag down.

VINCENZO
Then I suggest you empty this garbage.

Ron unhappily rises, picks up the bag, exits with it. Vincenzo starts to re-enter his office, turns, hearing the sound of typing. Kolchak is busily at work on a story and at the same time taking bites of a piece of pound cake, dribbling crumbs all over his desk. Vincenzo crosses to him.)

VINCENZO
Will you knock off the work? Aren’t you aware the efficiency expert is coming?

Kolchak gives him a look that expresses the absurdity of the statement. Vincenzo picks up on it, gestures around the office.

VINCENZO
It’s just that Mr. Sunderland happens to feel that neatness and cleanliness are important to a well functioning organization. And so do I.

KOLCHAK
(only glancing up)
Then wipe the mayonnaise off your tie.

Vincenzo looks down, sees the offending blot, takes out his handkerchief and smears the stuff around.

VINCENZO
You have a few minutes before you go to the airport. You could do something … straighten a file, clean out a cabinet.
(happens to notice Kolchak’s watch; alarmed)
You have three-thirty? My watch stopped. I’m an hour late!

KOLCHAK
The efficiency expert comes none too soon.

VINCENZO

(looking around in panic; furiously winding watch stem)
His plane lands at four-forty five. Why aren’t you on your way to the airport?

KOLCHAK

(typing)
Let him take a cab.

VINCENZO
He happens to feel that cabs are inefficient-- a waste of company money. And so do I.

KOLCHAK
Get another rickshaw boy. I’m working.

VINCENZO
(nervously; looking around)
Who? Miss Emily doesn’t drive. Updyke has accidents while he’s watching movies at the drive-in!

Kolchak tries to ignore him, keeps pounding at the typewriter. Vincenzo eyes him anxiously, starts fussing, straightening papers.

VINCENZO
Carl, there’ll be delays at the airport because of construction ...

More typing as Vincenzo fusses.

VINCENZO
Rush hour traffic’ll start soon …

KOLCHAK

(stands suddenly)
Who can work in this squirrel cage anyway?

Kolchak grabs his coat and hat, storms across the office. Vincenzo hastily clears the last crumbs, follows worriedly.

VINCENZO
Take Mr. Sunderland to his hotel first …

Under this, Updyke has re-entered and is gabbing with Emily Cowles.

KOLCHAK
It’s Colonel Sunderland, not Mister …

VINCENZO
He’s not in the fried food business. He’s just retired Army …

They move past Ron.

UPDYKE
I’m hoping he can pull strings and get me transferred out of my reserve unit.

VINCENZO
(whirling)
Don’t you dare ask him that!

EMILY
(dreamily)
I was engaged to a West Point man…
(puzzled)
He disappeared right about the time my father lost the last Congressional election …

Vincenzo waves this all away, chases after Kolchak.

VINCENZO
Kolchak. Button your top button and straighten your tie …

There’s no response from Kolchak who’s already bounding down the stairs. A worried Vincenzo moves back into the office.

Pages 13-14

INT. INS OFFICE - NIGHT - SHOOTING DOWN THE STAIRS


Kolchak climbs to the first landing, deep in thought, ascends the last flight up to the office. As he reaches the corridor, he stops in his tracks, seeing:

OFFICE - HIS POINT OF VIEW

Vincenzo sweating, making unctuous apologetic gestures to Col. Matthew Sunderland, an erect, powerful, aggressive, but diminutive man, in tweed with leather elbow patches. Vincenzo seems to tower above Sunderland as they stand amid an extensive array of leather luggage.

KOLCHAK slaps his forehead, emits a groan at what he’s done, presses himself against the wall.

HIS POINT OF VIEW - VINCENZO AND SUNDERLAND

VINCENZO
I’m - I’m terribly sorry. I sent someone out, and he’s very punctual … conscientious.
(hopefully)
Maybe his car broke down. You know, overheated or vapor locked in this heat …

SUNDERLAND
(flat, crisp)
It’s a little early to chalk the Snafu off to equipment failure, isn’t it?

VINCENZO
Well, I …
(tries to smile)
You didn’t have to take a cab, though. You should have phoned.

Sunderland moves away, starts surveying the office unsmilingly, hands clasped behind his back.

SUNDERLAND
Your lines were jammed for an hour and twenty-three minutes.

VINCENZO
I don’t know what to say. I’m very sorry this happened, Mr. Sunderland …

SUNDERLAND

Colonel Sunderland … please.
(tight smile)

Vincenzo nods hopelessly.

Kolchak winces in sympathy for Vincenzo. Hearing footsteps coming his way, he ducks into the men’s room.

INT. MEN’S ROOM - NIGHT


Kolchak enters, quietly closes the door. He doesn’t realize till after he’s part way in that Updyke is behind him, splashing water on his face.

UPDYKE
(looking up)
You’re really too much, you know that? Mr. Vincenzo was furious.

KOLCHAK
(guiltily)
Yeah. I’ll straighten it out when things cool down. Have you met Sunderland?

UPDYKE
Met him? I had to carry his bags up from the cab, thanks to you.

KOLCHAK
Seems like he’s all spit and polish. Mostly spit.

UPDYKE
(wiping his face)
Getting along with him just takes a little knowledgability of the military personality. I don’t think I’ll have any problem …

KOLCHAK
(flat)
Affirmative.

Pages 35-38


INT. INS DARKROOM/MEN’S ROOM - DAY


Kolchak takes a blow-up from the soup, flicks off the safe light, studies the photo.  Not completely satisfied.

Suddenly the door bursts open and Vincenzo enters, just stares at Kolchak in silent rage.

KOLCHAK
(ashamed)
Yeah. I’m sorry about the airport, Tony.

VINCENZO

(boiling)
If this is what you’re like now, Kolchak, what were you like in kindergarten? Did your teacher slit her wrist or hang herself?

KOLCHAK
I can explain it all …

VINCENZO
Not now, Carl. You and your excuses are the least of my problems. It’s Updyke. Sunderland’s got him working for him …

KOLCHAK
Ron does love efficiency …

VINCENZO
Sunderland stays in my office going through the books. Updyke walks around on cat feet … taking notes … watching to see how long it takes to get a story out, how many minutes people spend on the phone, how long they’re in the bathroom …

KOLCHAK
(shows him beret and tin cup)
Sure, Tony. But listen. See these? These belonged to a dwarf named Morris Shapiro. I was talking to him, I was right with him when he vanished.

VINCENZO
Dwarf? Vanished? Kolchak, haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?
(checks watch)
Out. And start working.

Vincenzo urges a frustrated Kolchak out of the room.

INT. INS OFFICE - DAY


Emily Cowles is working at her desk with a large pasteup crossword puzzle. Updyke, at his desk, looks up as Kolchak and Vincenzo enter, notes down the time on a clipboard. He nods to Kolchak, then gets up, moves toward Vincenzo’s office and taps on the door. Sunderland is on the phone, signals for him to wait.

KOLCHAK
(sotto, to Vincenzo)
Tony, this morning, very quietly at six A.M. the police released their suspect in the Piaget murder. Know why there was no fanfare?

VINCENZO
(leading him to his desk)
Carl. Please. I want you to finish the union graft story you were working on … finish something.

KOLCHAK
They’re keeping it hush-hush because they haven’t got another suspect. But I do. Look.

He shoves the photo at him. Vincenzo is pained.

VINCENZO
(squints; moves it back and forth)
What is this? Salvador Dali’s Bar Mitzvah picture?

ANGLE - UPDYKE

Jotting a note as Emily Cowles stops work for a donut and cup of tea. He then moves toward Vincenzo’s office, enters, talks MOS with Sunderland who looks out.

ANGLE - KOLCHAK AND VINCENZO

KOLCHAK
(points to photo)
This is a guy named Paul Langois. Morris, this dwarf, told me all about him …

He doesn’t see Sunderland come up behind him.

SUNDERLAND
Dwarf, Mister Kolchak?

Kolchak turns, tries to smile. Updyke has seated himself at his desk, pretending work. He sneaks glances.

SUNDERLAND
The way I hear it, Mister Kolchak, you have an annoying tendency to operate counter to directives.

Kolchak shrugs, casts a glance at Updyke who busies himself.

SUNDERLAND
Explain the foul up in transportation yesterday.

KOLCHAK
I’m sorry about that. I was --

He suddenly winces with severe pain, supports himself on the desk, favoring his leg.

SUNDERLAND
What’s the problem?

KOLCHAK
Nothing.

SUNDERLAND
Are you in pain?

KOLCHAK
It’s just this pin in my leg. It acts up in hot weather. Took a piece of shrapnel at Anzio. Yesterday, on the way to the airport, it got so bad I blacked out. I’m sorry, Colonel.

UPDYKE
(can’t help it)
When were you at Anzio?

SUNDERLAND
(snaps at Updyke)
Back off, son.
(conversationally)
What was your unit, Kolchak?

KOLCHAK
98th Infantry.

SUNDERLAND
Good outfit. But Kolchak –
(tosses paper on desk)
Where have you been the last forty-eight hours? Why haven’t you finished this union graft story?

KOLCHAK
I was trying to drink away this pain in my leg. Stupid of me. With your permission, sir, I’d like to go over to the VA. I’ll take the story with me; clean it up.

Sunderland thinks a minute. Nods tentatively.

SUNDERLAND
Talk to Doc George Miles. He’s a friend of mine.

Kolchak nods, gets his things, including the photo. He smiles feebly at Vincenzo, and at Updyke as he walks out, favoring his leg.

Sunderland Watches after Kolchak, looks down, picks up the tiny beret.

ANGLE - STAIRS

Kolchak limps down the first flight, then breaks into a run, exits.

ANGLE - UPDYKE

Watches Sunderland go back into Vincenzo’s office. He picks up his phone.

UPDYKE
I want long distance. The Military Records Center in St. Louis ...

Pages 53-56


INT. INS OFFICE - NIGHT


Kolchak starts typing again when he hears a sound, turns. Emily Cowles is entering the office.

KOLCHAK
Emily? What are you still doing here?

EMILY
(bushed)
Isn’t it sickening? That Colonel Sunderland kept a group of us here straight through. An hour ago, he said we should break for dinner and he’d treat. We went to Manny’s. We all had to stick to cold cuts. Even the hot roast beef sandwich was verboten, the stingy windbag.

KOLCHAK
The rest of them are still down at Manny’s?

EMILY
(nods)
I couldn’t stomach another minute. It was Ron. I’m surprised at him. Chattering about all his notes and figures. Telling on people. Cuddling up to that big cheese like a little titmouse.

Kolchak smiles, shakes his head. Noises are heard in the corridor and Sunderland and Updyke walk in, smiling, chatting. Vincenzo brings up the rear, in obvious mental pain.

KOLCHAK He winces, spins around, starts typing busily, very efficient.

SUNDERLAND Looks over, studies him … then moves toward him, a beat … then slaps Kolchak’s shoulder.

SUNDERLAND
(curt, concern)
How’s the leg, Kolchak?

KOLCHAK
(surprised)
Oh -- better, better. They gave me some diathermy and some pills.

SUNDERLAND
I meant to call Doc Miles over there. Make sure you got A-1 treatment. Never got around to it ...

KOLCHAK
Oh that’s okay. Really. I’m fine.

Sunderland gives him a slap, moves off, opens a notebook.

SUNDERLAND
Okay‚let’s take a look at the financial sector, get that out of the way. Mr. Updyke‚ may I see your output for the period July 7 to the present?

Updyke peers at him in confusion. Sunderland looks up.

UPDYKE
July 7th is the day you came. I’ve been concentrating on helping you with the survey.

SUNDERLAND
You’ve been letting your own work go by the boards?

UPDYKE
Well, yes. Wasn’t that what you intended?

SUNDERLAND
Negative. Your own mission should be of primary importance. Anything beyond that, while appreciated, is icing on the cake.

VINCENZO
(angrily)
In other words, these last couple of days Updyke, you haven’t even given us the cake. Just the icing.

Updyke doesn’t know what to say. Under the above, Miss Cowles has been flitting around the periphery of the group holding a note, trying to break in. Now:

VINCENZO
(snaps)
What is it, Miss Emily?

EMILY
I’m sorry‚it’s a message for, Ron. The man on the phone said it was urgent and I forgot all about it.
(to Ron)
He said that he couldn’t give you the information you wanted on the personnel of the 98th Infantry because the records were burned in a big fire.

KOLCHAK He’s been privately enjoying all the above. Now he covers his mouth with his hand.

Sunderland’s eyes narrow. He draws Updyke aside so Kolchak can’t hear.

SUNDERLAND
You’re something of a troublemaker, aren’t you son? I don’t like to see that in an organization. Is that how you’ve been spending your time?

Updyke is silent, frightened. Sunderland is calm but firm.

SUNDERLAND
Where were you during World War II? While he was out there ducking kraut bullets? Crying in your bib, that’s where you were. I think we’d better set you straight. I think I should have a talk with the commander of that reserve unit of yours.

He takes Updyke into Vincenzo’s office, sits him down.

KOLCHAK, looking innocent as a baby as Vincenzo approaches, regards him with hands in pockets. Finally.

VINCENZO
I remember, Carl. Very cute. You were in St. Louis when the records center burned. You filed the story.

Kolchak shrugs, turns with a smug smile, resumes typing. He runs out of paper and his basket is empty. Opening a drawer, he reaches in without looking and suddenly screams with horror and disgust.

ANGLE - DRAWER

Lying on the typewriter paper: soggy, putrid Spanish moss.

(SEVERAL SCENES OMITTED, THEN:)

ANGLE- VINCENZO’S OFFICE

Sunderland sees the commotion, rises, comes to the door and looks out. Updyke following.

KOLCHAK
He’s existing independent of Paul Langois. Back in the sleep lab‚he heard me talk about the tupelo gum spear‚he wants to kill me first ...

VINCENZO
Carl, sit down and explain this ...

KOLCHAK
I can’t‚I can’t stay here and be killed ...

He gets his things, staring in horror at the moss.

KOLCHAK
It killed Langois because we were going to wake him up ...

Panicked, Kolchak stumbles toward the door, looking around at everyone in terror.

KOLCHAK
Where do you find a swamp creature? In Chicago? Where could he live?

Of course they just stare at him. Breathlessly, he exits. A long beat of silence, then:

SUNDERLAND
Head wounds too?
(shakes his head)
Damn shame ...

-30-

… and that’s all, folks, for the never-realized Sunderland.  Fans of “The Spanish Moss Murders” will readily perceive how the material above was reworked for the finished show.  The most interesting thing about this omitted byplay is the sheer nastiness of not only Updyke, but Emily!  It also specifies a “tupelo gum spear” (simplified to “bayou gum” in the episode) … which is indeed one prescription for neutralizing Père Mal Fait (literally, “the father of bad doings” or “Father Evildoer; “ fait mal generally meaning “pain” or “hurt.”). 
-DJS